London Life, Rat Race, Interweb Escape

Top 10 Kama Sutra Positions of MY TIME

Posted on 12 June 2009

Quoi d’neuf minions,

Did the title to this post catch your attention? You are a filthy bunch aren’t you?!

Below I’ve included a couple, in my opinion, tasteful instructional images for your pleasure. Just get over it…

I have a friend, let’s call her Jayme, and she wrote a nice little ‘Facebook Note’ the other day explaining the differences between kaRma and kama (I’ve posted it on my FB page). She makes a good point (that we’re fucked both ways – just go and read it!) but it got me thinking about the ’sutra and what impact it has had on my life (I pondered this for a while let me tell you). Now I’ve obviously tried and mastered every position in the book (a couple of times all in one night – *shazaaaaam*) so I’ll urge you lesser experienced folk to head on over to your nearest Waterstones or CNA and pick yourself up a copy – Your fuck buddy will be stoked! Girl friend will begin the awkward questioning along the lines of “What’s wrong with what we do already? Am I not enough for you?” which is a mood killer. And your wife won’t like it one bit as we all know it’s only missionary after you exchange vows (hey Communist? hehe)…

So without further ado (oh, be sure to stretch first!) here we go:

Top 10 Karma Sutra Positions Of My Time

10: Widely Opened Position

- Yip, check! Good one to start off with –

8: Clasping Postion

- Hands on bum, flawless technique there –

7: Indrani Position

– For all you novices -

6: The Tigress

– Least effort, maximum result (especially if she isn’t anything to look at) -

5: The Lotus Position

– Entry level stuff (*wink) -

4: Suspended Congress

– You’ll need serious guns for this one which I have obviously -

3: The Scissors

– Rather her than you, a few dislocated shoulders for sure. Make sure you have myprodols handy -

2: Congress and the Crow

– You can drift off easily with this one, don’t snore otherwise she’ll stop (not ideal) -

1: Splitting the Bamboo

– After 9 positions she may need a rest and a warm down -

That’s that minions! Try these at your own risk, I can’t be held accountable for any injuries (unless I’m the one who inflicted them *shazam*).

Thanks Jayme for the inspiration – how’s The Guitarist?

Kisses***